


Finding Paradise

by Courteous_Cat



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Drama, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Romance, Threats of Rape/Non-Con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-01
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2018-08-12 11:56:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7933714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Courteous_Cat/pseuds/Courteous_Cat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>CHAPTER WORK. <br/>A university student, Ruby, is finally doing an internship. Originally wanting to be a homicide investigator, she may shift her passion to Special Victims Unit.<br/>(Will add and adjust tags and what not as chapters go on.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Alright alright I am giving in and making a fanfic for Barba.  
> I dunno if I'm gunna make this like a love triangle drama or what.  
> I just want drama tbh.  
> Suggestions/recommendations are welcome.  
> Short first chapter for an intro.

“Criminal justice?” Olivia Benson smiled lightly as she led a girl and three other students to an elevator. A light lit up indicating the mechanism was ready to move as the doors shifted open. “What are your plans?” She asked the girl closest to her.

The girl, standing at just five feet four inches, looked up with hesitation in her brown eyes, blonde hair shifting away from her face. “Me?” She pointed to herself, looking to the others before returning her gaze to the detective, who had nodded at the question. “Well, I personally would like to get into homicide investigation.” She replied, leaving the sentence open; completely unsure if she should go on or not.

Olivia stared at the girl for several seconds before nodding and glancing at the others. The elevator’s sound rung through the multiple pairs of ears and the doors shook as they opened. “Welcome to SVU, here—“

“What is S-V-U?” One student, a boy in his mid-twenties, chimed. He was Caucasian and only in the criminal justice major because of his weed smoking habits; he thought that if he was an officer maybe _he_ alone could change the law. The girl rolled her eyes and stood with her weight shifted to her left leg.

Olivia paused and almost laughed, assuming it was a joke, but quickly continued. “Special Victims Unit, Jared. Here we deal largely with sex crimes.” She nodded, staring at the boy whose face now reddened with embarrassment. “Amaro, Rollins, Tutuola, this is the touring class for potential internships.” Oliva stated, gesturing towards the group.

Amaro was looking over the group as he sat on the edge of Rollins’s desk. Tutuola was standing with another man with striking blue eyes, the man holding a manila folder that held papers.

“This is your team?” Brown eyes wandered from the man standing next to Tutuola to Olivia, who nodded. “Fantastic.” A small smirk crossed her face.

“What’s your name again, miss?” Olivia asked, walking a little closer.

“Um—“ Mind racing, eyes on her, she blushed. “R-ruby? My name is Ruby.” She laughed uncomfortably, grabbing her left forearm with her right hand.  The eyes held on her felt as if they were there for too long, so she continued, “I’m a criminal justice major. I’d like to go into homicide investigation. But, uh, you know,” she laughed, shrugging. “If-if SVU looks good and you guys allow it, maybe I’ll spend some time here.”

“Ruby, here, has been one of the more curious of the students today.” Olivia smiled, resting a hand on Ruby’s shoulder. “After our tour, I’m sure she’d like some time to talk with anyone, if available.”

Ruby looked to Olivia in shock for a moment before smiling. “Wow, really? That would be amazing.” A few students in the back sniggered, muttering _‘teacher’s pet’_ loud enough for everyone to hear. Her cheeks grew warm, a tall tale sign letting her know her face was red. That embarrassed her even more, causing her to shift her weight again, clearing her throat.

“Well,” the man next to Tutuola spoke up, stepping forward as he closed the folder with one swift hand movement. “ _I_ would surely be interested in assisting this young lady. The more passionate and curious, the better for the job.” He spoke, eyes twinkling, as he stared down the students before giving a small smile and nod to Ruby. He stopped next to her, holding his hand out. “Rafael Barba. I’m the A.D.A. for this unit. Nice to meet you.”

Ruby nodded awkwardly and shook his hand firmly. “Ruby. Ah. Nice to meet you, too.”

They released their grips and Rafael began to walk away, waving Tutuola to walk with him. Before disappearing around a corner, Barba took one last glance at Ruby; a mischievous glint in those blue eyes and a grin on his face.


	2. Finding Paradise- Subtlety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I just am writing. I have no idea what direction this is all going in.   
> It looks weirdly like a Carisi fic but I assure you it's a Barba fic.   
> Not sure what the nature of the relationship with Carisi will be but we will find out, eh? 
> 
> I'll be gone for a few days- I am road tripping from Minnesota to Seattle and will have no wifi (we're sleeping in the car sooooooo). I will update as soon as I have a connection! 
> 
> Let me know what you guys think! Thank you so much to those who have commented/kudos-ed.

“You want more death than SVU?” Amaro asked in disbelief, giving a wary glance to his coworkers. He was sitting at his own desk, leaning back in the chair, and was holding dearly onto a cup of coffee. “Must have a strong stomach.” He shook his head, muttering to himself.

Ruby squinted at him, trying to determine if he was joking or not. “I, uh… I haven’t _actually_  seen a dead person, before. I mean, in real life. Plenty of pictures, videos. All for class, of course.” She said the latter quickly as multiple pairs of eyes quickly darted to her. “I feel like I can’t do enough for people who are alive and harmed, to be honest.” She rubbed the back of her neck nervously, feeling uncomfortable under the stare of Amaro, Rollins, and the detective she’d just been introduced to; Carisi.

Fin and Olivia had left for a follow up on an older case as soon as the tour had ended. Now it had been two hours of awkward silence and minimal conversation. Though, minimal effort would be a lie. The only person who had kept pushing for any conversation at a constant was Carisi, having taken quite an interest in the student.

“You have a lot of potential. I think you just need some time.” A soft smile. Rollins tried to comfort but despite her efforts, Ruby winced at the choice of words. “You know, I was a lot like you when—“  

Rollins was quickly cut off by Carisi, who stood from his desk with a raised hand. “It’s just about dinner time. You hungry?” He smiled, gesturing to the exit.

Ruby paused, glancing at the others for a hint of an answer, not knowing what to do. Had he only been asking her? “I thought I had to wait—“

“Ah, we’ll be back.” He assured, waving his hand to dismiss her worries. “Come on. You’re visiting, right? I’ll show you the best pizza place in the city.” He grabbed his jacket and waved to Ruby to follow him, his long legs carrying him away quickly.

Ruby stood, hesitating for a moment and stuttering. “I—should I? Are you—?” She pointed to Rollins, then to Carisi. Rollins shrugged, waving her off. “O-okay. I’ll be back. Um—we’ll be back.” Ruby grabbed her own jacket before sprinting behind Carisi. 

He stood, in all of his six-foot-tall glory, holding the elevator door open with a smug grin. He took a step back so Ruby could enter, adjusting his clothes as the elevator doors closed. “I figured you hear enough of that talk as it is, huh?” He nudged her with his elbow. She chuckled shyly and nodded, glancing up at him. “I hope you’re hungry, these pizzas are probably bigger than those casseroles you got out in the Midwest.” Carisi joked.

The elevator made a heavy stop and Carisi stepped forward. “Midwest? I don’t think I mentioned I was from there.” Ruby raised an eyebrow, following his lead and also taking a step forward. “You weird-o. Did you background check me?” She laughed, playfully punching him in the shoulder as the elevator doors separated.

“Heard there was a new girl, I got curious.” Carisi played along, flinching, and colliding with Barba as the A.D.A. entered the elevator. “Oh, shi—“

Barba sighed and stared down at the folders he had dropped, lazily looking back up at Carisi. Luckily the folders were all tied shut. Though, he saw the short, blonde-haired girl out of the corner of his eye and side-eyed her. “Where are the two of you going?” He asked. Before he could bend down to grab his items, Ruby had quickly taken it up to herself to pick them up. “Thank you.” Barba smirked, taking the files with both hands.

“Sorry.” Ruby said sheepishly, her face turning red. “We were just joking around and—sorry. This is a work environment, we shouldn’t have been fucki—uh, messing around.” She slapped her hand over her mouth to ensure she hadn’t said anything more regrettable.

“Youthful. We need some of that around here.” Barba commented, the ghost of a smirk present, the elevator doors beginning to close. He held out his hand before the elevator hit Ruby in the shoulder.

Carisi didn’t have such luck as the elevator rolled into his back, causing him to stumble. He caught himself just before colliding once again with Barba. “Time to go.” He held his arm out, directing which way for her to go.

Barba watched them as they shuffled past him, awkwardly giggling like schoolchildren. “May I ask, again, where the two of you intend to go?” His eyes studied them closely.

“We’re gunna get pizza.” Ruby replied, pointing to Carisi. “He’s buying it, so..” Carisi was close to protesting, but closed his mouth. He _was_ the one to invite her, he assumed it would be considered ‘good manners’ to pay. “You’re the A.D.A, right?” Ruby asked, taking a step closer to him to ensure she could hear his answer.

“That I am, young lady.” Barba nodded proudly. “I guess I will see you around. Olivia seems to like you. She sees your... great... potential.” He waved a goodbye and pressed the _Door Close_ button in the elevator. It felt as if his heart rate had.. _increased_? He lifted his index and middle finger, feeling his pulse. “Strange.” He remarked, not willing to let his mind wander in the direction of _why_ his heart began to quicken.

“I hope you’re not a picky eater.” Carisi sighed as they approached the exit. He glanced down at her and saw her stifling a laugh. “Well, tonight is the night you will learn to love all pizza, little girl.” He stood standing with his back against the frame of the door; his lanky arm was stretched out across the door, his chest casually puffed out.

Ruby nodded quickly. “Uh—yes, sir. Okay.” She shrugged awkwardly, walking passed him. “As long as there’s no fish, or anything related. I’m not a fan of seafood.” She scrunched her nose in disgust just thinking about it all.

“No seafood?” Carisi scoffed in disbelief, shoving his hands into his coat pockets. “You guys out in the Midwest don’t like sea food?” He glanced down at her, watching her as she took in her surroundings. She seemed to be more focused on the new buildings around her.  But, surprisingly, she glanced up at him a few moments later with a look of judgmental confusion.

“Do you even know _where_ in the Midwest I’m from? How much stalking did you do, detective?” Ruby interrogated, pulling out her cell phone to glance at the time. “Are you sure it’s okay we do this?”

“Sure.” He nodded in response. “Who else is gonna take the rookie out?”

Ruby looked at him in shock for a moment, then laughed. “Those choice of words are questionable, but okay.” Shrugging, she dropped her phone back into her pocket. “You know—“

A phone began to ring, and Carisi frowned, struggling to remove his phone from his pocket. He stopped walking, looking at his phone suspiciously before answering. “Sergeant?” A small pause, eyes flickering around, a sigh. “Got it, on my way. Oh hey, uh.. I got the rookie with me. Should I— Okay. Yes. Okay.” He hung up and put the phone back in his pocket. “Got a call, comin’?”

She truly felt like a deer—rather, a fawn—staring into the eyes of a harmless stranger, unsure if the correct reaction would be to run or approach. “I—I don’t even work here.”

Carisi shrugged and threw an arm around her shoulders, guiding her with him. “Think of it as a trial run. Uh, _shadowing_ , if I may.” He moved his free arm around in random gestures as he spoke. "It'll be fun." He reassured.

Ruby scoffed and shook her head. "Fun? If you insist." 


	3. Finding Paradise- Don't Go Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: MENTION/IMPLIED RAPE. HINT OF PAST ABUSE.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this was a mess.   
> Are y'all down for a Carisi-Ruby-Barba triangle cos this might be where it's headed.   
> I absolutely L I V E for angry Carisi and I want a lot of it.

 “That wasn’t exactly what I was expecting.” Ruby said flatly, still in mild shock. “How can you deal with every day? That was horrible. That poor girl, crying hysterically—I just..” She sighed and shrugged, trying to shake the thoughts from her head. “This is some rough shit, detective.”

“Unfortunately it isn’t something you get used to, either.” Carisi replied, putting a hand on her shoulder. “We had some kids stab a girl over some fake magic man. One of the girls tried blaming on this homeless guy, but turns out she actually did it.” He scoffed and shook his head. “Crazy shit.”

“Kids? Really?” Ruby nodded and raised her eyebrows, almost impressed. “So, what now?” She asked as Carisi stepped in front of her, opening up the car door.

“Well, the girl’s goin’ to get a rape kit. We’ll wait for DNA and in the meantime, we try to find the guy who did this.” Carisi ensured ruby climbed into the vehicle safely and shut the door, walking across to the driver’s side, entering. “It’s late, you have class in the morning?” He asked, glancing at her.

Ruby pulled her phone out and sighed. “Yeah, 7am. I can walk to—“

“No, no. You’re not walking. Even after seeing that girl, you wanna walk? At night?” Carisi was irritated as he turned the car on, throwing it into shift. “You’re a strange one, kid.”

“Kid?” Ruby frowned and scrunched her nose. “I’m twenty.”

“Yeah? I’m fourteen years older than you, thirty-four years old.” Carisi chuckled, looking out the window. “So, uh, you gunna tell me where I’m goin’?” He pursed his lips together.

“Right, yeah. Um, I’m at the Double Tree hotel for a few days until I can move into my dorm. Repairs, or something.” The girl shrugged, running an anxious hand through her shoulder-length blonde hair. “This place is already a mess.”

“Call me if you need anything, yeah?” Carisi tossed a worried glance to Ruby, using a hand to dig into his coat pocket. He handed her his card. “My personal is on there. New York is a lot bigger than Minnesota, and a lot more dangerous. You can’t just go walkin’ around alone at night.”

Ruby smiled brightly. “Oh, so you _do_ know where I’m actually from? Good work, detective. I’m sure you’re highly praised by your team.” She joked.

Though, the look on the man’s face turned a bit gloomy, and he made no comment for nearly five minutes. Ruby sat in silence, scanning his face expectantly. Before she could ask anything, he winced. “I’m the new guy. They uh—they don’t trust me yet. They don’t see _my_ potential.” He pulled up in front of the hotel, looking to Ruby.

“I’m sorry.” She said quietly, biting her lip. “You really do seem to be a great detective, I—“

Carisi faked a smile and waved his hand dismissively. “Don’t worry about, Ruby. Now get outta here, you need to get some rest before class.”

-Several days later-

Ruby put Carisi’s card between her phone and the phone case. She entered his number into his phone, and had only texted him once; the night he dropped her off.

                _Thank you for the ride and the shadowing opportunity. I hope_

_the others will see your great potential and open up. You’re_

_a cool guy, old man._

Carisi hadn’t replied until the next morning with a simple smiley face. With that, Ruby assumed he no longer wanted to be her friend and didn’t bother him.

Today, it was Friday, November 7th. Ruby stopped by the precinct in the morning to chat with a few of the detectives, but Carisi was out and the others had a serious case. She sulked back to the elevator with a huff, pressing this button. “This reeks.” She sighed. The elevator opened, and there stood Barba.

Needless to say, Barba was shocked to see her. “Ruby.” He breathed, stepping out of the elevator. “What a pleasant surprise.” His eyes shone as he smiled at her, watching her look at him with confusion. “Are you looking for someone? Perhaps.. Carisi?” He interrogated, assuring to observe her carefully when he spoke the detective’s name.

“Uh, no.” Ruby shook her head, rubbing the back of her neck. “I was just looking to see if anyone was available to talk. I—I don’t remember telling you my name.” She laughed, shifting her weight. “I don’t exactly recall _your_ name.” She winced, pointing to him.

“Rafael Barba.” He said quickly, gently grabbing her bicep and leading her to the side. Ruby then realized that he _did_ in fact introduce himself before, and she mentally kicked herself. Though, Barba wasn’t thinking about that. “What do you need to talk about?” Blue eyes bore into her with concern. “Were you.. harmed?” His eyebrows furrowed close together.

It took a moment of Ruby squinting at Barba in confusion until she understood _what_ kind of harm he was inquiring about. “OH, no. God no, no. I’ve been cooped up in classes and my hotel room, I haven’t seen anyone. I just wanted to maybe ask about the next day of possible shadowing.” She wrung her hands together and cleared her throat.

Barba’s eyes flickered, squinting them momentarily before allowing them to relax, nodding. “Fair enough. No one is available, but if you are interested in SVU, I could try to assist you with what questions you have.” He glanced at his watch, quickly calculating. “I have to quickly go over some paperwork for a case, but I will be taking my lunch break in about twenty-minutes. Join me?”

“S—sure. I’m, I can js—just wait here.” She stuttered, her cheeks growing warm. “I can wait here.” She sighed, closing her eyes as she tried to talk without struggle. “I’ll—I’ll sit over there.” She quickly motioned towards the group of desks she saw, the area where she’d met the detectives.

“See you soon.” Barba smiled softly, briskly walking away.

Ruby watched him go, awkwardly waving to his back and wandered over to the desks, quickly finding Carisi’s. Sitting in his chair, she saw nearly illegible notes written in bad cursive jotted everywhere. There were two photos, one of a dog and one of him with another person. “Dork.” She laughed quietly, reaching over to grab the photo of the dog. “Nice lookin’ puppy, eh?” She cooed to herself.

She set the photo back down, looking down at the notebooks stacked neatly on his desk. She looked around before trying to subtly page through them. The first few pages were scribbled with notes, things he deemed necessary to know for work. The first were simple demographics; name, age, date of birth, any possible address, a possible call back number.

Listed after that were personal reminders. These were written with more emotion; the ink was thicker, the paper was indented by the weight of his writing.

  * _Relax_
  * _Listen, think, think a lot, think some more, speak_
  * _Don’t put your foot in your mouth_
  * _**Get the son of a bitch**_



Ruby smiled to herself, inwardly laughing at his wording. It looked as if he was about to continue his list, but it was likely he was interrupted by a case call. As she closed the notebook, she leaned back and saw a book underneath. “What’s this?” She asked aloud, moving the notebooks and picking up the book. _Criminal Law_ was written on the outside of the book and Ruby opened it.

After getting immersed into one of the chapters mid-book, Barba walked out and slowly approached her, attempting to be quiet. Again, he saw her with a look of confusion, this time paired with intense concentration. “Considering going to law school?” Barba asked after a few moments.

Ruby jumped, trying to quickly close the book and consequently dropping it onto the floor. “I was just—nothing. I wasn’t doing anything.” She picked the book up, setting it back into Carisi’s chosen spot and put the notebooks back on top of it. “Nothing.” She stood up, stupidly pushing the chair into the desk. She faced the A.D.A, looking at the floor.

“Let’s grab some lunch. Maybe some sustenance will..” he sighed, looking her over with a ghost of a smile, “possibly.. _calm_ you.”

“Sure.” She nodded, following him to the elevator. “You know, I’m usually not this clumsy. I just, I have a lot of anxiety?” She winced, stepping forward and turned to him as they waited for the elevator. “Once I get to know the area and the people more, I’ll calm down. I’ll be better I—“

Barba raised his hand suddenly, non-threateningly, to try to quiet her. She surely went quiet, but she also flinched and then laughed. “Sorry.” He apologized, looking at her sadly. This was his first sign to make him assume she was not treated well, if not recently then in the past. He made a mental note to be careful with her—gentle, kind, always observant. Perhaps her future career as a detective wouldn’t work out.

~

Their lunch date—break—had gone well. They went to a local Chinese restraint with a buffet, sitting at a two-person table.

Barba talked, mostly, to try to get Ruby to relax. The more she knew about him, the more she would open up to him. And eventually, she began to. She shared her birth place, some of her childhood which was rough. Barba had guessed it, but was still shocked and hurt by the fact such a nice girl struggled so much.

“We’ve been here for almost two hours, Mr. Barba. I think I should let you get back to work.” The girl chuckled nervously, her brown eyes darting from him to the clock on the wall, then back to him.  “I think you’re quite busy, right?” She pulled her can of Coke towards herself, taking a sip.

“Unfortunately you are correct, young lady.” A large sigh escaped Barba’s body and he scoot back in his chair. “May we meet again.” He stood and waited for Ruby to also stand, following him to the register.

“Thank you again for paying for my lunch, Mr. Barba. I really appreciated your company today.” Her smile was genuine as she glanced at him as the left the building. “I’m sure we can talk again. I’ll be stopping by again in a few days, likely. Wait out the storm of this case and come back.”

“Sounds wonderful. Have a good day, Ruby.” With a smile and a handshake, Barba turned and walked back to the precinct.

~

“I don’t exactly like clubs.” Ruby spoke loudly over booming music, trying to gracefully push through the crowd. An acquaintance she had met during the tour, Sarah, had convinced her to get dolled-up to go to the bars. “Are you sure it’s legal we’re here? How does the bouncer know you?”

“Stop asking questions and have some fun, bitch.” Sarah laughed obnoxiously, finally breaking through the crowd and got up to the bar. She ordered two drinks, bringing one back to Ruby. “Drink up.”

“I’ll pa—“

“I paid for this, now drink!” Sarah shoved the drink towards Ruby, some spilling onto her black fitted dress.

Ruby growled in anger and took the drink. “Fine, fucking chill. God damn.” She took the drink, pretending to take a sip as she turned her back to Sarah, faking an observation of the dance floor. “Looks good, I’m gunna head to the bathroom.” She called again over the noise.

Sarah shrugged, tossing her long red hair over her shoulder. Her green eyes revealed she was hunting for the perfect man. “Suit yourself.”

Sarah walked away and Ruby made her way to the bathroom, locking herself in a stall and sighing. “How do I always get drug into these situations?” She whined. She took her phone out, taking a few gulps of the whiskey-coke Sarah ordered and opened up Carisi’s contact information.

_Hey, Mr. Carisi. What is the legal age for clubs?_

_My friend brought me to one and I’m not sure if I’m supposed to be here._

Send.

She paused, heart racing. She just took a drink of alcohol.

_I might have met with a friend, Jack. He’s kind of bitter._

Hopefully he would understand what she meant. Jack Daniels was a common drink, and if Carisi was as old as he made himself out to be, he’d get it.

_What club are you at? It’s not safe for you to be there._

A smile crept across her face, but her head began to spin. A little bit too much.

_I’m not sure. I suddenly don’t feel well._

She held her head with one hand and felt her body begin to sway. Her phone started buzzing; Carisi was calling. “Hello?” She slurred, going to her knees and leaned again the toilet.

 _“Where are you?”_ Carisi’s breath sounded short, keys jingling in the background. _“I will come and get you. You need to tell me where you are.”_

“I’m in a bathroom.” Her breathing increased and she felt nauseous. “I’m just in a bathroom. I’m sitting on a stall. In a stall. I’m just—“ She took a deep breath. “I feel like I’m going to puke.”

 _“Ruby, hey. Can you stay with me? I’ll come to get you. You just need to tell me where you are.”_ Carisi was already in his car, ready to go. He pulled out of his driveway and began to aimlessly drive.

“I don’t know. I’ll go outside and look. It’s near hotel. My hotel. It’s near the hotel.” Ruby forced herself up, stumbling out of the bathroom stall.

 _“Hey no, you’ll be safer in the bathroom.”_ Carisi shouted, his grip on his phone tight. _“Ruby?”_

Though, Ruby had now put her phone in her purse, still on the line with Carisi. Carefully, she made her way to the exit of the bathroom and struggled to get through the club. Numerous predatory eyes followed her, one body deciding to pursue at a distance.

Carisi could do nothing but listen intensely to the music, straining to hear anything Ruby may say. He opened up google maps, searching for clubs near the Double Tree hotel. There was only one within a fifteen-minute walk; he pressed on the accelerator and gripped his steering wheel.

Ruby found her way outside, and by now she wouldn’t be able to remember anything past this point. Her feet hurt terribly from the three-inch wedges, so she paused at the corner of an alley to take them off. “Carisi.” Ruby called hoarsely before she bent over, one heel off, and puked. One arm held her up on the wall and the other held her purse out of the way.

 _“Ruby?”_ Carisi said anxiously, hearing her speak to him. _“Ruby I’m almost there, okay? Where are you?”_ He heard cars driving by, honking, distant sirens wailing. _“Are you outside?”_

A firm hand grabbed the girl, causing her to shriek. “What the fuck dude? Who the fuck are you?” She challenged, attempting to yank her arm away from him. “Dude I don’t know you, let me go!”

Carisi cursed under his breath, wishing he had a vehicle with sirens right about now. _“Ruby, I’m going to hang up the phone, okay? I’m going to call the police.”_ He waited only for a moment before reluctantly hanging up and dialing the police. _“This is detective Carisi from SVU, there’s an emergency.”_

The girl, who was only five feet, four inches, was thrown onto the ground. The man kneeled down with on knee to her chest, breathing heavily. He was approximately five foot, nine inches. He was fit, blue eyes, black hair.  The man reached down and pulled up Ruby’s dress, looking over his shoulder to ensure he was the only one. From there, he proceeded to assault her unconscious body.

Carisi had pulled into the alley, slamming on the breaks and freezing momentarily at the sight before him. He clenched his jaw and climbed out of the car, drawing his gun. “N-Y-P-D! STOP!”


	4. Finding Paradise- Harsh Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, I apologize. Also, it's late. I have been busy with babysitting lately, and then when I had time to write the other night the new SVU was on. Did anyone else watch it?! 
> 
> TW: Implied thoughts of suicide.

“The moron who did this to her left all kinds of DNA.” Carisi sighed, shifting his weight from his left leg to his right, hands sitting on his hips. Ruby sat in a large chair in Barba’s office, her arms crossed and her legs pulled up to her chest, leaning against the back. “I can’t _believe_ this shit happened to her. On _my watch.”_

Barba was sitting in his own chair; his right leg crossed with the ankle sitting on top of his left knee. He rested his face on his hands, his fingers sprawled across his face. Green eyes stared intensely at her, trying to gauge how she was feeling in an office alone with two men.

“Shut _up._ ” Ruby croaked quietly, staring blankly at the carpet. That was all he could say the entire morning before, during, and after interrogating her. She wanted him to stop feeling so guilty. “You weren’t even on duty. It wasn’t your responsibility. I did this to myself. I don’t even know why we’re here.” She shuddered at the thought, but no memory of who the man was could surface.

“I’m going to need _more,_ Carisi. Eye witnesses, any possible camera recordings. A statement from her.. ahem.. _friend_. Find a sketch artist, you said you saw the assailant?” The ADA frowned and sat forward, resting his elbows on his desk and folded his hands together. “The DNA evidence and the rape kit should be sufficient enough. But, considering Ruby had taken a drink,” he bit his tongue and swallowed, “an _illegal_ drink.. this may make the case a little harder to—“

“Carisi is the one who wants this stupid thing to be a case. I _know_ this won’t go anywhere. I bet his DNA isn’t even in the system.” Her brown eyes forced themselves to raise, slowly moving between Carisi and Barba.

Barba’s interested flared and his eyebrow twitched. “And why do you think that?” He lightly tapped his fingers on his desk, not taking his eyes from her.

“Because it’s my luck. You know, this is the 6th time this shit has happened to me. Not once had anyone tried to do anything about it. And now that someone _is_ trying, fate won’t let there be anything. My life is a joke. This ‘case’ is a joke.” She used air quotes, and quite aggressively.

Carisi had looked to Barba in horror and disgust before returning his stare to the poor girl. “Ruby, we aren’t going to—“

Ruby raised her hand to gesture him to stop. “Please, Carisi. I appreciate it. I appreciate you and your passion for this job and for justice. But it isn’t happening.”

“How can you be so sure?” Barba cut in, moments before Carisi could get any sound out of his gaping mouth.

“If there’s no DNA, I’ll give the both of you five hundred bucks.” Her gaze had fallen back to the floor as she let her legs fall, feet landing lazily beneath her and she pushed herself off the chair. “I’m going to go back to my hotel and try not to ju—“ she stopped herself quickly, not wanting to even mention her feelings of suicide. That would bring a whole slew of problems. Problems she had tried to run away from by moving to New York in the first place.

“And try not to _what.”_ Barba blinked rapidly, stiffly standing from his chair.

Ruby stared at him angrily, clenching her jaw. “Try not to,” she sighed with a pause, feeling herself beginning to falter, “take too many naps, of course.” She muttered, clearing her throat. “Can’t avoid all my homework, which y’all are keeping me from.” She stood in black athletic pants and a loose pull-over grey hoodie. Carisi followed her ask she walked to the door, grabbing the handle and looking back at the detective and Barba. “Let me know when the DNA comes in. As negative. I’ll see you guys later, eh?” She nodded a goodbye and opened the door, slamming it before Carisi could follow her out.

She weaved through the hallways, eventually making her way outside. Her body nearly collapsed against the building and she took a deep breath, covering her face with her hands. She insisted to the hospital she be released today, hoping that when Carisi left her bedside he would take her home. Instead, he drug her to SVU headquarters, insisting he take on her case himself as his coworkers were swamped with their own. There was a buzzing sound that pulled her from her thoughts.

She dug into her pocket and pulled out her phone.

                _Delivering the news that you were right. There was no DNA found. Detective Carisi is_

_not the only one who wants this to be taken seriously. Give me a call when you_

_are ready._

_-Your friend and ADA, Barba._

Despite her knowing this would happen, tears stung her eyes. She scoffed, shaking her head as she sucked angrily on her teeth.

                _Didn’t even make it off the property. Fate sure has it out for me. Thanks, anyways. I_

_have my own way of dealing with things. No need to waste government_

_money on this._

As she was putting her phone into her pocket, her phone rang in indication she was receiving a call. “Yeah?” She answered, looking around lazily.

 _“It’s been fifteen minutes since you left, why are you still around the building? Is this an indication of hope?”_ Ruby rolled her eyes at Barba’s comments, but was shocked that it had been as long as he said.

“I think you’re losing track of time. I just got outside.” She responded lazily. She could hear the _ding_ of an elevator over the phone. “Where are you going?”

_“Outside. To see you. It may not be my place to say, Ruby, but I worry about your mental well-being. Let’s catch breakfast together.”_

Before she could protest, Barba hung up the phone. “Shit.” She drawled, rubbing her eyes. Had she just been dissociating for the past fifteen minutes? Perhaps Barba was right. Well, of course he was. She knew it, but there was no part of her that wanted to openly admit it.

Moments went by until Barba had exited the building, looking around as he took a sharp breath. He saw Ruby leaning against the building, one foot up, arms crossed. He frowned at her blank stare into the sidewalk and slowly approached her. “It’s half passed seven. Have you eaten yet?”

The girl jumped and pushed herself from the wall, looking at Barba wildly. “I, uh. No. I haven’t. Carisi came and accidentally woke me up. We didn’t get a chance to eat anything.” She wrung her hands nervously, eyeing the people who walked by.

“Very well. Let’s go, there’s a café with great baked goods that I enjoy going to.” Barba gestured for her to walk with him, but instead she took a step back. He looked at her with concern, dropping his arm.

“You’re busy, Mr. Barba.” She said formally. “You don’t need to—“

“Why must you get so formal any time you feel uncomfortable?” He smiled softly, putting a gentle hand on her lower back. “I am here as your friend, and also here to represent you, if you so feel. You have not eaten, and so I, Raphael, will sit with you and eat.”

“I don’t even have anything with me. It was stolen. That guy..” She took a deep breath, walking with Barba. “Oh, god. _He_ has my bag. My ID, money, my cards. Everything. He can get any information he wants about me.”

Barba listened carefully as the young woman walked beside him, his heart swelling with sorrow. “If you feel the need, you can pay me back at a later date. Until then, we are doing everything we can to—“

“Stop.” She interrupted, sighing. “I hate hearing that. It’s generic. Insincere.” She frowned up at him, trying to form a silent apology with her eyes.

Barba stared at her, chewing on the inside of his cheek. The light for them to cross turned, and he walked forward, Ruby closely following behind. They remained silent until their arrival at the café. “Sit here, I’ll go order for us. What would you like?”


	5. A Fresh Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two years later, Ruby's assaulter was never found.  
> This time jump is to when Barba is threatened and assigned security detail around Heartfelt Passages time.  
> ALSO-  
> I am soooo sorry I've been gone for like two years.  
> I had way too much going on in my life and I am still struggling, but I'd like to make a bit of a come-back.  
> I've been thinking of where I want this story to go for two years and can't make up my mind so this will be a ride.  
> Also, the time jump was planned when I was first but I find it funny it's a two year jump and here we are two years later.

_“Me?”_ Ruby’s eyes nearly popped from her skull. “I’m—I just got in, you guys. With the big kids. I don’t—I can’t do this.” She shook her head, looking to Carisi. “I trust myself with common civilians but—an A.D.A? _Mr. Barba?”_

“Look,” Carisi sighed, pushing himself from her kitchen counter. “Barba trusts you.” Before he could continue, Ruby shot him a deathly look.  
“Yes and there are people who trust God and are failed day after day.” She spat in a strange mixture of anger and friendliness.  
  
Carisi pursed his lips and glanced at Rollins, who was trying to hide a grin.  
  
“You comparin’ yourself to God, kid?” Carisi scoffed, shaking his head.  
  
“In terms of how much I disappoint, yes.” The young girl nodded confidently, folding her arms and stared at him with raised eyebrows.  
  
Rollins stepped forward. “Sorry to interrupt this little love quarrel, but we are going to need you to answer. Specifically, with a positive one.” She sighed.  
  
“Okay, Rollins. Fine.” There was a sigh of defeat before a creeping smile. “I _absolutely, positively_ want to not do this.”  
  
Rollins rolled her eyes and threw her arms up in defeat,. "I can't." She then walked out the door leaving just Carisi and Ruby alone in the dimly lit house, still dark due to the early morning.  
“You know, I think you need to trust yourself more, kid.” Carisi followed Ruby as she walked into the living room, unfolding her arms. He watched her as she sat on the couch putting her face in her hands. “It won’t be just you. There are going to be other officers. Remember, teamwork?”  
  
“Y’know, Sonny, it’s hard to believe in myself when you still call me ‘kid’ after two years of seeing me grow and improve in so many ways.” Ruby muttered, sitting all the way back in the couch and slouching. "The way you ruffled my hair and said, 'I'm so proud of you' at my graduation was humiliating in and of itself. It was such a grandpa thing to do." She groaned, scrunching her nose at the memory and tried to hide her smile when Carisi gave her an odd look as she said 'grandpa'.  
  
Carisi let her playful insult go, chuckled, and sat next to her, putting a comforting hand on her knee. “It’s hard not to call you that when you still exhibit childish behavior, _officer._ ” He gave her knee a gentle squeeze and looked at her expectantly.  
Ruby laughed lightly and put her hand over his. “Which is exactly why I don’t trust myself.” She bit her lip and looked at Carisi with worry, her mood changing. “I just.. I could never forgive myself if something happened to him on _my_ watch.” Her eyebrows furrowed together and her eyes locked with his for just a moment before he looked away.  
  
Carisi fell silent for just a second, remembering what had happened to her two years prior. “Sometimes bad things happen under your watch. There’s nothin’ you can do. Everybody screws up.” The atmosphere fell heavy and there was a silence for nearly five minutes. He stared blankly at the floor, questioning why he remained in Ruby's life. This wasn't uncommon for him, and there was a pain in his heart.  
  
Ruby held his hand tightly and sat forward, now holding his hand in between hers. She was never sure what to do when he got lost in himself like this, and for those long few minutes she sat there in silence with him before speaking up. “You’re right, Sonny. I’ll give it a shot. Plus, I bet it’ll look damn **fiiiine** on my resume.” She smiled softly at him, patting his hand. She sighed heavily and tried to brighten up. “When do I start?”  
  
Carisi looked at her when she spoke, seeming to have snapped out of his trance. He smiled with victory at her words and stood, pulling the young officer to her feet with him. “Well, we talked to your Lieutenant. You start today.”  
  
As Carisi walked to her kitchen and grabbed a cookie from the plate on the counter, Ruby stared at him in confusion. “You talked to him and got his okay before you asked me? What if I said no?”  
  
“That’s the thing.” Carisi spoke with a full mouth, having stuffed the entire thing in his mouth. “You wouldn’t say no. Ever. I mean, not really.” Ruby laughed and stared at him with a raised eyebrow, waiting for him to elaborate. “Come on, kid. It’s Barba. I know how much you care about him. There is no way you’d say no to the chance of following him around like a cute little puppy for ten plus hours a day.” He moved to the fridge and grabbed the gallon of milk.  
  
“There you go again with saying stupid things.” Brown eyes shifted nervously around the house before landing back on Carisi. “I’ll get my things, then.”  
  
Carisi gave a thumbs up and opened the carton, drinking straight from it. "Hey!" Ruby laughed, walking to him to grab the container. "That's gross!" Carisi smiled as he drank and held a hand out to keep her away as he took a few chugs, milk dripping down his chin. "You owe me a whole new gallon." She said in disgust, shaking her head. ~  
“It’s nice to see you after so long, Ruby.” Barba’s eyes twinkled as he glanced at her, pen tapping his papers. “How long has it been? Two months?” He held his shining gaze on her for one moment more before returning his attention back to his work.  
  
“Um..” Ruby could feel her entire body heat up and she began to sweat before feeling cold chills; her entire body shivering in nervousness. “Yes, Mr. Barba, sir. I believe that is correct. Forgive me but,” she cleared her throat, looking around the room with just her eyes as she stood still as a statue. “Shouldn’t I be quiet? You know, for concentrating...”  
  
Barba smiled, still looking at his papers. “Chatting is quite okay. Perhaps you have seen too much television.” He paused for a moment, frowning and jotting something down. “I don’t mind the company.” He said quietly before losing himself in his work.  
  
Ruby nodded to herself and was able to relax after the first hour had gone by. She enjoyed being in the same space as the A.D.A; the man who she had admired and, dare she say loved, for over a year. Looking at him brought such peace to her mind. Whenever she got nervous being on the job, all she had to do was turn her eyes to him and she felt as if she could breathe once more. The support and care he had provided to her during their time of knowing each other was something she felt she could never repay.  
  
Without her knowing, Barba would steal glances at her and smile. Her uniform she had now was new, and much better than her old. This uniform was fitted, and she had a full duty belt; nightstick, pepper spray, gun, and all. He liked how her earpiece wrapped around her pierced ears, and he knew if her Lieutenant knew she hadn’t taken them out she would get in high amounts of trouble. He could always tell when she would be listening to radio traffic; she would be still as a deer, brows lightly tensed together, eyes scanning an invisible screen in front of her face. Though, he was curious… “Officer,” he said gently, a ghost of a smile sitting upon his lips. Ruby turned toward him and searched his face with concern. “May I ask why you look as if you’re reading from a computer screen sometimes?”  
  
Ruby’s face turned red and her eyes darted around quickly before formulating a response. “Well- I suppose it’s a habit I picked up when I was doing some interning at dispatch.” She stood in deep thought for a moment, eyebrow lightly twitching before continuing. “When dispatching there’s a lot of concentrating on the computer. You know, location, profiles, other stuff.” She nodded, gesturing around aimlessly with one hand.  
  
There was a sudden, harsh knock on the door and Ruby jumped, placing one hand on her radio and the other hovering on her nightstick. She approached the door and opened it a few inches to see Carisi. “Jesus, dude.” She heavily exhaled and rolled her eyes. Carisi grinned and pulled the door open further and walked in. “What’s up?” She asked, glancing outside the door before closing it.  
  
“Casual.” The detective commented flatly, walking to Barba’s desk. “Got some updated files on the case. Come down after you review.” After handing the paperwork over, he quietly exited the room without any other words.  
  
Barba and Ruby looked at each other in mild surprise and confusion. "Must be mad I wouldn't let him drink the whole gallon of milk." Ruby remarked without any indication if she was serious or not. Instead of asking questions, Barba nodded with a confused look on his face and reviewed the file.  
  
It was quiet, and only a few other coworkers had stopped by to give and take files and paperwork with Barba. After an hour, Barba stood with a sigh and shook his head. "Let's go, shall we?" Ruby nodded and followed him to Olivia's office.  
Ruby walked with confidence, making sure to look at every person they passed and who passed them and created mental notes of height, weight, and appearance. One could never be too thorough when ensuring the safety of a loved one. And, of course, just doing their job. After arriving to Olivia's office, Ruby had tuned out the usual team gathered to discuss the case. For a few minutes her focus was on Carisi, though he remained unresponsive to her and ignored her. Soon, radio traffic picked up for a robbery and instead she decided to focus on that, exiting the office to stand guard outside the door.  
Half an hour later, the group left the office and Ruby began to walk with Barba. "More details will arise later tonight or tomorrow, but for now I am free for lunch. Chinese?" He asked with a smile.  
“Mr. Barba, would you like to drive together or separate?” Ruby asked, following him to the elevator.  
  
"Mr. Barba?" He said in question, raising an eyebrow. "Why are you uncomfortable?" After a moment of no response, Barba smiled and glanced over at the young officer. “Separate is quite okay. Have you got plans for lunch?” He asked in a playful, yet professional, manner.  
  
Ruby looked at him in confusion. “I—no? I do believe my shift with you ends at 2300 hours.” She glanced at her watch to ensure what time it was.  
Barba laughed out loud. “Yes, I am aware. I was just poking some fun at the situation.” His eyes shone bright as they made contact with hers. He continued when her look of confusion didn't leave. "You must accompany me to lunch either way. I am sure eating won't do any harm."  
  
The elevator arrived with a ding and opened, Ruby first walking in and then Barba. Ruby stood in the elevator with her back to the leftmost wall, partially covered by the elevator wall to exit. Barba stood in the center and glanced at his watch just as the elevator arrived to the first floor. The doors opened and as Barba was trying to exit, a large figure walked forward into him and kept going, backing him up against the wall.  
  
Ruby watched in confusion for one second before taking action. The man had Barba firmly up against the wall using just his body, but his hands were at his side. Likely troublesome for technicalities but there was no time for her to debate. “Barba, get out of the elevator after me, stay close.” She grabbed the man by the arm, and turned him away from Barba and out of the elevator. Just as the three exited, she twisted the man’s arm and brought him down to his knees, pushing him against the wall and pulled out her tazer. “I would advise you to comply with me as I am an officer of the law. If you cause any problems I can almost guarantee you a spot in a jail cell tonight. Understand?” With a knee firmly to the back of the suspect, she reached for her radio and just as she was about to press the button, her lieutenant approached her, clapping.  
  
“Well done, officer.” He grunted. Dark eyes scanned her quickly, preparing judgement. “Your form is not strong enough. You also did not check your surroundings as you left the elevator. There could have easily been someone in either directions to take you and Mr. Barba on. I’ll be assigning two officers at a time for Mr. Barba, as requested. You should thank this man here, officer." He said, gesturing to Barba. "His request will get you good references for your resume.”  
  
Ruby stood, staring at him in mild disbelief, not letting go of the perpetrator during her lieutenant’s speech. Barba stood close behind her, looking too relaxed for the situation. Though, the aura about him was strong and proud. “Mr. Williams, are you telling me this was a test?” Ruby asked, nearly irritated.  
  
“Yes.” Mr. Williams replied, folding his hands together. His muscles moved smoothly as his arms moved; his curly white hair contrasting well with his dark skin. “I am afraid that I was not entirely confident in your abilities, so I requested a mock attack with the blessing from Mr. Barba.”

  


Ruby scoffed and finally let the man go, shoving her taser back into it's holster. "It's really curious to me how so many people who lack confidence in me yet are the ones to ask and approve of me to do this job." She tried to keep her voice level, but her bitterness was beginning to leak. As she began to walk away, Barba quickly following her, she stopped close to her lieutenant. "If you see me unfit for this job, send two men and I'll go back to being a lowly rookie." She spoke lowly, Barba barely catching what she said. "We'll be at Barba's favorite Chinese place. I'll let you figure that one out."


End file.
